On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
