as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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