some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
