I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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