I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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