At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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