Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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