He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
