Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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