do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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