I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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