When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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