I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
