im six kinds of drunk right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
