shes about as inviting as chlamydia
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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