Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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