If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
