She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize