Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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