Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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