i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
