i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
40s are totally the cure
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
