I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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