You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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