we have pet lesbian snakes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize