Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where is the hickey?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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