Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
