so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
