Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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