I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
