so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize