I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
