you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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