Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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