This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
