You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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