shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
