i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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