I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
