he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
