Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
