I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
