sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
