first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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