I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
