You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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