My friends, they love my intelligence
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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