Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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