its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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