Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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