If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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