Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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