I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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