I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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