we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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