i don't like sucking hair
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
