I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
