Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
