if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
