I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
