Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need water and some morals
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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