I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize