Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
