Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
