i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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