We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
