weddingsv make me drug and hornr
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
