If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
