There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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