I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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