Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize