FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
