WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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