I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
