First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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