My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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