Your dad touched me again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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