Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
