Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I want a musical about memes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize