We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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