we have officially lost it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
