you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
