So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
