u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
