Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
