she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
