it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
