You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
