i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize