ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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